Personally , I find this piece has a great write up and concept, but rather lacking in technique in terms of the drawing itself.
Might I suggest a few things. Firstly, you might want to try out making your shapes more solid/fluid in terms of the lineart. I trust that this is mecha , and so you need those characteristics for the concept to look more solid, more really robot-like. Then, you could try and make sure that your line adhere with a shape, and not make them too "straight" specially for the body. If you do that, the drawing will seem to come out more well-pieced and strong, with a shape that can stand out.
Then, this part you don't really have to listen to, but this is more on anatomy. Unless you were going for older gen style, you may want to really try and shape them more well, and fix proportions as well. Try searching pony anatomy for this. It would do wonders indeed on form and whatnot. But , if you're happy with this form , then that's pretty cool too.
I think this piece is very original no problem. Really , my only problem is that the art doesn't too much complement the idea too very well in terms of the form and how this piece was pieced together. It's why I gave you low on technique and impact. If your technique doesn't seem too strong, then the impact of this picture goes down. Not everyone would stop and read the awesome description sadly. But that's just my opinion.